Few things make us as uncomfortable as silence. Someone asks a question and there’s a pause. A meeting falls quiet. A client doesn’t immediately respond to your proposal. An interviewer finishes speaking and waits. Within seconds, many of us feel an overwhelming urge to do something. We speak again. We clarify. We apologise. We add another point. We rescue the conversation. Despite our best efforts, it’s often at that moment that we weaken our message. Silence isn’t an empty

When I ask clients what they admire in great communicators, one word comes up again and again. Charisma. People picture the inspiring CEO, the captivating keynote speaker or the politician who can hold an audience in the palm of their hand. It’s understandable. Charisma is attractive. It turns heads. But here’s an interesting reflection. Many of the most influential people I’ve met aren’t particularly charismatic. They’re simply present. And there is an important difference.

Most people think a meeting begins with the first agenda item. It doesn’t. It begins the moment you enter the room. Or, if it’s online, the moment your camera switches on. Long before you’ve shared your ideas, your colleagues have started to form an impression. Not because they’re consciously judging you, but because that’s how the human brain works. We are constantly making rapid assessments based on countless subtle signals. The good news? Most of those signals are within y

One of the biggest misconceptions about great communicators is that they’re brilliant talkers. In reality, they are often even better observers. Actors learn this very quickly. We might spend weeks rehearsing a performance, but every audience is different. The script stays the same. The people don’t. Some audiences laugh more readily. Some are quieter. Some need time to trust you. Others are with you from the moment you walk on stage. The mistake is trying to force every audi

Not so long ago, I asked a client to composed an email during one of our coaching sessions. They hesitated. ‘I’d normally put this into ChatGPT first,’ they admitted. I asked why. ‘So I know it sounds right.’ It struck me this wasn’t really about writing. It was more about confidence. Over the past few years, artificial intelligence has become remarkably good at helping us communicate. It can draft emails, refine presentations, rewrite reports and even suggest how to handle d

One of the many pleasures of my work is that my office can now be almost anywhere. Thanks to online coaching, I might begin the day working with a client in Belgium, spend lunchtime delivering a face-to-face session in London, and finish the afternoon speaking to someone in the United States. Add in clients across the UK and, more recently, India, and it’s a reminder of just how much our working world has changed. Twenty years ago, coaching was largely defined by geography. T

Most people spend too much time preparing what they’re going to say. Far fewer think about how they’re going to begin. It’s understandable - if you’re about to discuss poor performance, challenge a colleague, deliver disappointing news or confront an ongoing issue, your attention naturally goes to the facts. You rehearse your arguments, anticipate objections and mentally prepare your evidence. But - in my experience anyway - the first five minutes often determine how the next

Imagine you’ve noticed one of your best people is underperforming. You know the conversation needs to happen. Instead, you tell yourself, 'I’ll wait until next week. They’re under a lot of pressure.' Next week soon becomes next month. By then, the problem has doubled. Most leaders want to be liked. There’s nothing wrong with that in itself. In fact, the best leaders tend to be warm, approachable and deeply respected. The problem begins when being liked becomes more important

‘Will I be following a proven programme, or will each session simply focus on whatever comes up that week?’ I get asked a variation of this sort of question fairly often with new or potential clients - it’s a fair question, and in fact an important one to ask before starting coaching. You want confidence that there’s a clear process behind the work.; but you also don’t want to feel like you’re being put through a generic course that ignores your specific challenges, goals and

The meeting has been running for twenty minutes. The agenda is full. Everyone has something to say. Then one person leans forward, takes a breath and begins speaking. No dramatic entrance. No raised voice. No attempt to dominate the conversation. Despite this, something changes. People stop typing. Phones disappear from hands. Side conversations fade. The room becomes more still. There is a reason for that. The person who is now speaking is not simply presenting. They are hol

Every decent actor knows a scene doesn't start when you speak. It starts the moment you cross the threshold. The audience has already formed an impression of your character before a single line is delivered - from how you enter, how you carry your weight, where your eyes go first. Meetings work in much the same way. By the time you've pulled out a chair and said ‘sorry I'm late,’ people have already started deciding how much space you occupy in that room. Most of us walk in o

Surely the people who know the most should be the best at explaining it? I can report that in my work coaching leaders, scientists, engineers, academics and subject matter experts, I sometimes see the opposite. It’s counterintuitive, but the more expertise someone has, the harder communication can become for them. Not because they lack intelligence. Far from it, in fact the reverse. It’s because expertise changes how we think. The curse of knowing Psychologists sometimes refe

It’s only three letters long. We use it dozens of times a day. And yet, in my experience as a communication coach, it quietly sabotages more conversations than almost any other word. Consider these examples: 'You did a great job on the presentation, but…' 'I understand your concerns, but…' 'I agree with you, but…' 'I’d love to help, but…' What happens to us when we hear the word but? For many people, everything before it disappears. The compliment feels diluted. The understan

Open any presentation skills article and you'll find the same advice: fewer words per slide, better visuals, a clean template. Sound advice, but all of it assumes the slides themselves are helping. Often, they're simply not. Slides don't just support a talk, they change how the speaker behaves. And not always for the better. What slides train you to do Once you build a slide deck, you've built a script. Even with a good script, your eyes may go to the screen to check what's n

Many people think excellent communication is mainly about speaking well. Actors know there is another skill that is equally, if not more, important. One of the lessons decent actors learn is that fine performances are grounded in advanced listening skills. If you’ve ever watched a compelling scene on stage or screen, chances are the actor isn’t simply waiting for their turn to speak like a child in a nativity play (adorable though that is). More likely that the actor is fully

As a rule of thumb, most people handle disagreeing with their boss in one of two ways: they say nothing and quietly resent the decision; or they say everything and it comes out sharper than they meant. Neither approach is helpful. Neither builds trust. Neither usually changes the decision either. There's a middle path, and it's less about finding the perfect words than about how you hold the moment. What follows is what actually works. Separate the relationship from the point

‘I’m absolutely fine one-to-one.’ It’s a phrase I hear surprisingly often in coaching. The person is articulate, thoughtful and engaging in conversation. Put them in front of one colleague, and they’re relaxed. Put them in a room with eight people, a senior stakeholder and a vague agenda, and suddenly they’re struggling to contribute. If this sounds familiar, the good news is that you’re not unusual. And you’re probably not bad at meetings. The meeting is a different environm

People often assume actors are naturally confident. I can confirm this is not always the case. Over the years I’ve worked with talented performers who still experience nerves before walking on stage, stepping in front of a camera, or speaking to an audience. The difference isn’t that actors never feel nervous. It’s that they learn to use their nerves to enhance their concentration, and not to wait for confidence before acting. Confidence usually comes second One of the bigge

Most of us understand the value of feedback. Receiving it, however, is another matter entirely. Whether it’s from a manager, colleague, client (or even a loved one), feedback can trigger in us an immediate urge to explain, justify or defend ourselves. Even if feedback is mistimed or delivered inelegantly, the ability to receive feedback gracefully is one of the most valuable communication skills you can develop. Here are seven practical ways to make feedback more useful - and

I’ve lost count of the number of times someone has said to me, with genuine frustration: ‘But that’s not what I meant!’ They’re not wrong. The intention was clear. The thinking was sound. And yet something got lost; in the delivery, in the room, in the gap between what they said and what the other person heard. That gap is where a surprising amount of professional difficulty lives. Communication is a two-part problem Most of us focus almost entirely on content: what we’re goi