The Actor's Guide to listening

Many people think excellent communication is mainly about speaking well.

Actors know there is another skill that is equally, if not more, important.

One of the lessons decent actors learn is that fine performances are grounded in advanced listening skills.

If you’ve ever watched a compelling scene on stage or screen, chances are the actor isn’t simply waiting for their turn to speak like a child in a nativity play (adorable though that is). More likely that the actor is fully engaged with the other person. They’re responding to them in real time.

The audience can feel the difference. And the truth is, it’s the same in professional life.

Listening is rarer than we think

Most of us believe we’re good listeners.

But we’re often not. In meetings and conversations, we’re often doing something else entirely. We’re preparing our response. Waiting for our turn. Glancing at our phone even. Mentally solving the problem before the other person has finished explaining it.

Technically, we’re hearing, maybe.

But we’re not really listening.

Why actors are focused on listening

A common mistake among inexperienced actors is deciding in advance how they’re going to deliver a line.

The problem is that it often sounds rehearsed.

More experienced actors know that every line should be influenced by what has just happened. They listen first and respond second.

The result feels authentic - because it is authentic.

They are reacting to what is actually happening, rather than what they expected to happen.

What improvisation techniques teach us about listening

If there’s one area of acting that exposes poor listening immediately, it’s the world of improvisation.

There are no prepared lines and no script to hide behind. You have to listen acutely.

Successful improvisers aren’t searching for the funniest line or the cleverest response. They’re paying close attention to what has just been said and building upon it.

Improvisers often talk about ‘Yes, and…’

This doesn’t mean agreeing with everything. It means accepting the reality that has been presented and adding something useful to it.

Professional conversations work in much the same way.

The most productive discussions are rarely those in which people wait for a gap to make their point. They’re conversations in which people genuinely engage with what has just been said before contributing their own perspective.

Improvisation teaches another valuable lesson too: listen for what is new.

Many of us enter conversations assuming we already know where they’re going. As a result, we miss the unexpected detail, the subtle shift in emotion or the piece of information that changes everything.

The best improvisers are rarely the quickest thinkers in the room. More often, they are the best listeners.

Listening creates influence

Many professionals believe influence comes from having the strongest argument.

More often, influence begins with understanding.

People are far more likely to engage with your ideas when they feel you have genuinely engaged with theirs.

This is one reason the most influential leaders I’ve worked with are rarely the loudest. They ask thoughtful questions, stay curious for longer and resist the urge to jump in too quickly.

When they do speak, their words are carefully chosen and people tend to listen to them.

A simple challenge

The next time you’re in a conversation, try this:

For one minute, give the other person your full attention.

Don’t interrupt. Don’t solve. Don’t rehearse your response. Simply listen.

Notice how much more information you receive. Notice how the other person responds.

And, also, notice just how difficult it is.

Like most worthwhile skills, listening requires dedicated practise.

Closing thoughts

One of my acting tutors once said that audiences can always feel where an actor’s attention is.

I think the same is true in everyday communication.

People can tell when you’re waiting to speak. They can also tell when you’re genuinely listening.

And I know which one tends to build more trust.

Perhaps that’s why listening remains one of the most underrated communication skills of all.

Not because it makes us quieter, but because - as well as being a sincere act of kindness and respect - it helps us understand, before we try to be understood. Covey said it decades ago, and it still holds: seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Listening is how we get there.

(This article is part of my 'Actor's Guide' series, exploring what the performing arts can teach us about communication, confidence, influence and leadership)

Communication isn’t a performance. But there are lessons we can borrow from performers.

I work with a small number of leaders and professionals each year, helping them develop greater confidence, executive presence and influence in the moments that matter most.

If that sounds relevant to you, you can find out more about my coaching approach and if you’d like to hear more you are welcome to contact me for a free, focused, discovery call to see if I can help.