The actor’s guide to confidence

People often assume actors are naturally confident.

I can confirm this is not always the case.

Over the years I’ve worked with talented performers who still experience nerves before walking on stage, stepping in front of a camera, or speaking to an audience.

The difference isn’t that actors never feel nervous.

It’s that they learn to use their nerves to enhance their concentration, and not to wait for confidence before acting.

Confidence usually comes second

One of the biggest myths about confidence is that it arrives first.

We imagine confident people feel ready and then take action.

In reality, it’s often the other way around.

Think about learning to drive, speaking a foreign language or using a new piece of technology.

I’m sure you felt awkward at first. Confidence arrived later.

Communication works in much the same way.

The people who appear confident in meetings, presentations, and difficult conversations, are rarely waiting until they feel completely comfortable. They’ve simply accepted that confidence tends to follow experience.

A comforting thought; you’re being watched less than you think

Presenters often worry that every hesitation, stumble or awkward moment is being noticed.

Most professionals do too.

Psychologists call this the Spotlight Effect - our tendency to overestimate how much attention other people are paying to us.

In a famous study, participants were asked to wear a rather unfortunate Barry Manilow T-shirt and then estimate how many people noticed it.

They consistently believed far more people had spotted it than actually had.

It’s a reassuring to remember that people are not scrutinising us nearly as closely as we imagine.

They’re usually too busy worrying about themselves.

Confidence and attention

When we’re nervous, our attention tends to turn inward. This is not usually helpful:

Do I sound intelligent?

What if I forget my point?

How am I coming across?

Actors are trained to do something different.

They shift their attention outwards: towards their scene partner, the audience, or the story they’re trying to tell.

The same principle works in professional life.

Instead of tacitly asking:

How am I doing?

Try asking:

What does this audience need from me?

Practise doiing this and confidence will follow.

Preparation beats confidence

Actors don’t rely on confidence. They rely on preparation. Most people would ask for their money back if a professional actor turned up on opening night and announced they’d not rehearsed.

But there are many business people who expect themselves to deliver important presentations, pitches and meetings with no or surprisingly little preparation.

Sometimes they can even be a touch contemptuous of the notion. I once heard - from an otherwise wise, hardworking COO:

‘To be honest, I tend to wing it’

Preparation doesn’t eliminate nerves. But it does give confidence somewhere sensible to grow.

Don't make confidence the goal

After many years in acting and communication coaching, I’ve become slightly suspicious of confidence.

It’s often treated as the goal.

I think it’s more useful to see it as the by-product.

The goal is to contribute, to speak up, to take part. To do the thing anyway despite the arrival of nerves.

Because confidence doesn't necessarily appear before the moment that matters.

More often, it arrives afterwards and whispers:

‘You see? That wasn’t so bad.’

Communication isn’t a performance. But there are lessons we can borrow from performers.

I work with a small number of leaders and professionals each year, helping them develop greater confidence, executive presence and influence in the moments that matter most.

If that sounds relevant to you, you can find out more about my coaching approach and you are welcome to contact me for a free, focused, discovery call to see if I can help.