The Actor’s Guide to status: what are you communicating without realising?

Every meeting has a hierarchy.

The interesting thing is that hierarchy doesn't necessarily play out in the same way as in does on the organisational chart.

The most senior person in the room may be apologetic, hesitant or desperate to be liked.

The most junior may appear calm, comfortable and entirely at ease expressing a different opinion.

Within minutes, we begin to sense who has authority, who wants it, who is giving it away and who doesn’t seem particularly concerned about it at all.

Actors have a word for this.

Status.

And understanding it can completely change the way you communicate.

Status isn’t about job titles

In acting, status describes the relationship between characters.

Who has power? Who wants approval? Who is trying to dominate here? Who is comfortable enough not to?

A king might technically have the highest status on stage; but if he’s desperately seeking reassurance from everyone around him, the audience will sense something very different.

The same happens at work.

We constantly make tiny adjustments to our status depending on who we’re with.

You probably speak differently to your closest colleague than you do to your CEO.

Your body changes. Your voice changes. Even your vocabulary may adapt.

Most of this happens unconsciously.

How we accidentally lower our status

One of the most interesting things I notice when coaching is how often highly capable individuals inadvertently make themselves smaller.

Not physically, necessarily. But linguistically:

Sorry, this is probably a silly question…

I might be completely wrong, but…

Just a thought…

Sorry to interrupt…

I was just wondering, whether, perhaps…

One qualifier is harmless. Five qualifiers before you’ve actually expressed an opinion communicates something else entirely.

The speaker is usually trying to be considerate or polite. But intention and impact aren’t always the same thing.

High status isn’t domination

This is where status is frequently misunderstood.

High-status communication doesn’t mean becoming louder, colder or aggressive.

In fact, constantly trying to dominate a conversation can expose undesirable traits: interrupting; talking over people; name-dropping; having an answer for everything; needing the final word.

These behaviours can look like 'high status' at first glance.

But in reality, they communicate a powerful need to establish status.

Someone who genuinely feels secure in their position doesn't need to remind everyone of it. That’s why some of the most impressive people I’ve encountered are surprisingly understated.

They don’t rush.

They listen.

They allow silence.

They can say I don’t know.

And - perhaps most importantly - they don’t appear frightened by disagreement.

Actors understand the power of stillness

Watch a very good actor playing someone with authority and you’ll often notice how little they’re doing.

They don’t need to manufacture importance.

They allow other people to come to them.

There’s often a stillness about them.

This is useful outside the theatre too.

When we’re anxious, our behaviour tends to accelerate: we speak faster; we gesture more; we fill pauses; we over-explain; we nod enthusiastically; and we may even laugh when nothing particularly funny has happened.

Our bodies are effectively saying: please let this interaction be ok!

Again, none of these behaviours is inherently wrong.

But as a 'cluster' - when they are taken together - they can subtly change how we’re perceived.

Sometimes the way to increase your presence is not to add another technique.

It’s to do less.

Status is something we give as well as take

Here’s where status becomes particularly interesting for leaders.

The most effective leaders don’t simply maintain their own status.

They know how to raise the status of others.

They ask someone junior what they think; and then they genuinely wait for the answer.

They acknowledge expertise.

They give credit where its due.

They don’t need to win every intellectual contest.

They can disagree without making the other person feel foolish.

Paradoxically, giving status away can increase your own.

A leader who makes everyone else feel small may temporarily establish authority.

A leader who makes other people feel capable creates influence.

Experiment changing your status

Actors sometimes rehearse scenes by deliberately playing them at different levels of status. You can try something similar.

Before an important meeting, notice what happens if you consciously behave as though you have every right to be there.

Not arrogantly. Just comfortably. Sit without shrinking yourself. Let your sentences finish. Pause before answering. Remove unnecessary apologies. Make eye contact when listening and expressing an opinion.

And, if someone disagrees with you, resist the instinct to immediately retreat or defend yourself.

Simply become curious.

'That’s interesting. What makes you see it differently?'

That’s a remarkably high-status response.

You don’t need to win.

You don’t need to collapse either.

You just need to stay in the conversation.

Pay attention to your status triggers

There’s another useful question to ask: who changes your status?

I would guess that there is someone.

A particularly senior colleague.

A dominant personality.

An important client.

Even an older brother or sister.

Someone whose approval matters to us, for whatever reason. Notice what happens when you’re around them.

Do you speak faster? Over-explain? Agree too readily? Become unusually quiet? Start performing?

You don’t need to judge any of this. Just notice it.

Awareness gives you choice. And choice is where behavioural change begins.

A final thought

Executive presence is often described as something mysterious that certain people naturally possess.

I disagree.

Much of what we call presence is simply a collection of small behaviours.

Actors understand that status isn’t fixed. It changes from moment to moment.

The same is true in business.

So before your next important meeting, ask yourself:

What status am I communicating; and is it the one I'm intending to communicate?

I work with a small number of leaders and professionals each year, through tailored, one-to-one communication coaching.

I help them develop greater confidence, executive presence and influence, in the moments that matter most. I am trusted as a coach by many individuals in organisations including Abbott, BBC Studios and the NHS.

I’d be pleased to offer an initial conversation to see how I can support you.

Get in touch  to book a complimentary, half hour discovery call.